claudia's cafe, morwell

An intimate, quality cafe that knows the meaning of the word "hospitality".

chefmaster


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Joined Aug 14 2010
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28 Comments

Reply claudia davies
6:21 AM on December 24, 2010 
Hi Chefmaster, I think it's clear by now that absolutely, positively none of your schemes to turn the cafe "into something special" ever work, have you noticed? You only end up alienating everyone who walks into "your" kitchen, don't you, my lovely? It was not Judy Garland, it was our very own little Jesswa, arriving at work (early of course!) in her usual well groomed way, but having gone the extra kilometre, had freshened up her 'do and still you manage to upset her with your mistaken identity (wear your glasses!!!!).
Reply chefmaster
3:06 PM on December 22, 2010 
Ever the business provocateur, the Chefmaster this week decided to boost cafe sales by calling on a well known celebrity to help him out in the kitchen and put a friendly face on Claudia's cafe. CM sends his thanks to none other than Judy Garland star of the Wizard of Oz. The Chefmaster commented that Judy appeared much much much much taller on the silver screen, and added that it was like Judy had just stepped out of a time machine as there was not a grey hair in sight...only jet black ones...no not even very dark brown...but jet black, as witnessed by Lyn the cafe's "pop up worker" who turns up at moments of despair. "Your hair is very black today Judy" said Lyn.
But the plan back-fired on Chefmaster proving that he is only human afterall. Judy had turned up in a foul mood and along with the Cafe's ever gloomy baristas did little to aid the Chefmaster in his efforts to cheer up the place.
Reply chefmaster
2:31 PM on December 22, 2010 
Me thinks, before one goes pointing out where people should be careful about shouting their mouths off, one would quickly run their eyes over their own comments to make sure they haven't made silly mistakes that would make them look even more foolish. I refer to one trying to use the French word "Voila" meaning "there you are, or there you have it", and actually using the word "VIOLA" which means " a bowed string instrument. It is the middle voice of the violin family, between the violin and the cello."
So, concluding, Claudia, 100 w.p.m former secretary who should know better, you live in a glasshouse my friend......careful when you throw those stones.
So there you have it or should I say "VIOLA" ....tee hee.hee..

CM......take no prisoners hey readers...tee hee
Hi Ho and Away...
Reply claudia davies
4:13 AM on December 22, 2010 
The Chefmaster, be careful about showing off about your "liguistic" prowess when you can't spell linguistic if your life depended on it! And, don't get me started on the French version of lingered, namely "linguered"!
Reply chefmaster
2:58 PM on December 21, 2010 
Well I must say it has been a triumphant year in the battle of "good" against "Jesswa" this year at Claudia's Cafe. Mind you, her feeble attempts at a "cafe-coup d'etat" ( or "government take-over" for those of you who boast about having been to France but not been able to venture past "bonjour" liguistically") were nothing more than the feeble rumblings of wind broken during a thunderstorm. Little to be heard, just a bad smell that linguered. Nothing more heard of from little Jesswa since the humiliation of her annihilation during what has become known as "the seven weeks war on words" between herself and our very own masked hero "The Chefmaster" .
p.s some readers have expressed concern about my flying capabilities since my recent hot chip binges. I can only re-asure my readers that the extra poundage will not effect my flying capabilities what so ever as Chefmaster can not fly. Mind you, My trustysteed has slowed a little during my newly found heftiness about the hips.
....you won't break these ribs with a l'il ole hug hey readers...teehee.
See y'all next year. For now it's a Hi Ho silver and an up up and away.......(might have to change that last bit...now I can see how people get confused)

God Bless
Reply chefmaster
3:06 PM on November 9, 2010 
Well, there was a mustering of hooves down at the Claudia Cafe corral. The lone Chef Master rode into town with his big hat held high. There was many a head hung in shame, none moreso than that of l'il ole Jessy. She'd failed to fill the tall man's shoes in his absence...much had been expected...but little had fruited on that tree. As he stepped down from his faithful horse the handsome figure could not help but snigger in Jesswa's direction. She had coiled herself up into her foetal position, a position that had become all too common at the Cafe when things had got a little busy.
Claudia looked at the tall stranger....If that wasn't the most handsome man she had ever seen ..next to her husband ofcourse. The Chef master had already felt her eyes dance all over his buttocks as he climbed down from his trusty steed. If only she knew it was her beloved but for now he would keep his true identity guarded...just until he could weed out the prickly thorned bush that had planted itself in their Eden and beguiled his gullible wife.....wicked, wicked Jesswa. If only Claudia wasn't so thick, she would see how that snake hisses when she says "sistaz".
But for now the saviour was back..order had returned to the little cafe and a sense of calm settled over the clientele as they focussed on properly made sandwiches, properly wrapped...the way only Chef Master could do.
Reply claudia davies
3:06 AM on September 28, 2010 
Hi The Chefmaster, do you mean Lieutenant Commander Lynette and Captain David? Major Joanne and Sergeant Sammii send their regards. AAARROOOOOOOOO!
Reply chefmaster
4:34 AM on September 27, 2010 
Looks like the cafe is ticking over.....it will take a long time to lose all the customers that the Chefmaster drew into the cafe with his fiendishly good looks and delightful cuisine. The sharp comments and "care-less" comments have cut this sensitive creature to the bone. His work is done there....finished ...over. He transformed a pit into a palace but alas the staff have wandered far from his saintly ways. Gossipmongers and Jessawailians the lot of them...even his cowardly wife who has given up the fight and handed over the helm to the wicked Jesswa. "Lynette where are you? have you too lost your way, the way of the warrior? have you too been sucked in to the sinister sistahood? Poor David...what a terrible thing the Chefmaster has done to leave him to this pack of she-wolves........
Reply claudia davies
3:30 AM on September 27, 2010 
P.S. My sister/ best friend/comrade in arms, Lieutenant Jess, says hi.
Reply claudia davies
3:28 AM on September 27, 2010 
Hello "The" Chefmaster, or whatever it is you call yourself these days, someone had to create 60 sandwiches and two large fruit platters today! Got in at 5am and, viola, all done by 9 (sorta!). The student again becomes the master my lovely.
Reply claudia davies
4:13 AM on September 23, 2010 
"The" Chefmaster now is it???? Is that now your new title instead of "kitchen boy" in the dingy back rooms of the cafe my friend? Wait 'til Captain Jesswa hears of this betrayal!
Reply chefmaster
3:16 AM on September 23, 2010 
The kitchen clock was starting to tick a little louder each passing hour. Little Jesswa's time was fast running out, it wouldn't be long now and though she feared the day, she knew ultimately, it would be a relief. This throne she sat upon was much too big, the shoes she had tried to wear didn't seem to move no matter how large the steps she tried to take. She had bitten off far more than she could chew and a crack was slowly opening in the fragile goblet of sisterly blood that had momentarily held her in the false state of bewitched communion with Claudia. It was crumbling around little Jesswa and no matter how she might try, she could not tether together the facade for much longer. Each night as she lay her head down to sleep, it was like a train robber laying his ear to the track. She imagined that she could hear the sound of the Chefmaster's footsteps drawing closer. beads of sweat gathered along her forehead like birds upon a telegraph wire, threatening to fly north for the winter. She was nolonger the cocky little upstart of just a couple of weeks ago. She had tried sitting in the big seat and it was taking its toll. Every limb ached. Every muscle screamed out. She was exhausted. She would not admit it too herself but as she drifted off into dreamland, her tiny mouth could not help but betray her..."please hurry back Chemaster,,,...I have learned my lesson."
Reply Jesswa
3:47 AM on September 14, 2010 
Sitting in thron-oh, I mean large chair stroking obnoxious white cat with a slight smile upon face.
Reply claudia davies
3:34 AM on September 14, 2010 
I really, really don't know what to say to this! Am I really as delicate and gullible as Chefmaster believes, or am I the brave, independent "teacher of youngsters" that Jesswa believes me to be?? I'm worried that Chefmaster has trouble watching his "underlings" soar from beneath his wings in his absence. Chefmaster, be proud that they strive to emulate your magnificence!!! Lots of love, Jess's sister and best friend, Claudia
Reply chefmaster
3:06 PM on September 13, 2010 
It went up like a thin wisp of smoke, invisible to all but those with eyes to see. But I...I have eyes to see. I watch with a heavy heart, too far away to lend a voice of reason,
too far away to protect my beloved from the deceit that swirls around her.
"Foolish woman....open your eyes.....see this wench for who she really is. She plays with you as a cat toys with a mouse,
you are trapped between her claws. Today you are a sister and a friend but she tires....she tires quickly....and when she tires you will find yourself clenched in her overworked jaws of death."
There is atleast some truth in what Jessawa says....she learnt nothing from the Chefmaster. She remains his only failure.
He hangs his head in frustration. His only quest....to help those he feels sorry for ...he felt so very sorry for her.
But that sorrow has turned to anger..the wench needed no help..she gets what she wants by standing on the heads of those who
only thought to help her. She has climbed onto the head of many a sucker and yet she remains such a little person...such a little person."Wretched little Jessawa....begone with you!
Remove the spell you have cast on my beloved...
So you have learnt to make a sandwich, but though you have neatly packed all the ingrediants between that wholemeal bread of life, you lack the one thing that the Chefmaster could never teach you...you cannot make them with love. Driven by ambition, cold, cold wretched Jessawa.
Let my beloved go...I will return and with a single kiss, I will awake my beloved and she will see your dastardly deeds...
"'til tomorrow my love......'til tomorrow..."
Reply Jesswa
8:43 AM on September 13, 2010 
Oh, no, Claudia, I never learned a thing from CM, you are the only teacher that I wish to learn anything from!! You teach, and I allow it! We make a wonderful team. SISTAZ & BESTFRENZ 4EVA!!!!!!!1
Reply claudia davies
2:57 AM on September 13, 2010 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha - the student becomes the master! Oh Chefmaster, you may have met your match, oh evil genius you!
Reply Jesswa
7:35 AM on September 12, 2010 
Something different, something wonderful awoke little Jesswa from her slumber on September 1, it was almost like... there was a shift of evil in the air. She jumped out of bed with a spritely attitude and some would suggest, a spring in her step. As she got to work, a customer suggested that Jesswa even kicked her heels together in the air, but alas, she had just tripped on the tiny lip of the entranceway of Claudias café.

Since Chefmaster had been sent on a secret mission sent to him from an anonymous source (stifled laughter, and teetering was to be heard from the rest of the kitchen staff in the corner as he read his mission) to capture Leprechauns and Tom Jones look-alikes from Wales for a new "focaccia" (more stifled giggles), Jesswa had been given ample opportunity to employ her enviable origami skills upon take-away sandwich and foccacia orders. At first she was a little reluctant to fold and fold-away, after all that self-esteem eroding she had received from the chef with the high hat... and sure it was a long time since she had lead the orphaned children to salvation by folding a sturdy boat out of sub-par recycled paper, but she quickly regained her knack. Customers from near and far were dazzled and by her innovative sandwich designs. Anything upon request little Jesswa could do... it was something to do with her tiny fingers facilitating her attention-to-detail. One customer walked away very happy with her mansion-shaped-toasty. Little Jesswa quickly gave a new ring to the title "sandwich artist"... She was humble though, when thanked endlessly with goodies and riches, she simply gave it back to the orphan-friends that she once saved. Never did she get a large head, or a large hat. That wasn't all... when large orders of milk and cakes were delivered, Claudia branded Jesswa a "master of tetris" ...little Jesswa always had an incredible knack for fitting everything in such a way that there was still room for the Lion Tamer's rich and sumptuous packs of Mixed Sandwiches!

Light laughter constantly filled the air at Claudia's and there was even room for Jesswa's little donkey friend to come in and recharge and offer free-rides to the many children (and elderly) of loyal customers who branded Jesswa's talent
"intangible, brilliant, perfect, not-to-be-reckoned-with", just to name a few. They were words in which she was once used to hearing, but with Chefmaster's constant verbal battery, and self-esteem-erosion, she simply lost her way, poor little treasure.

Treasure is exactly what they are calling her now.

She often wonders how Chefmaster is doing, and how his capturing of the leprechauns in Wales is going.

(And then she giggles as she looks to the original copy of the blue print map and secret mission notes she had carefully drawn and written up.... Oh my, has she given away too much!?)
Reply chefmaster
1:23 AM on September 2, 2010 
Who is that masked man?....'tis the Lone Chefmaster out hunting fresh chook for the chicken fillet sardwiches ,,,
Reply chefmaster
1:14 AM on September 2, 2010 
The Lone Chefmaster fired off two warning shots....."If it's too hot, stay out of my kitchen". His words spoke to the whole crew of the Claudia Cafe staff, but his icey gaze was fixed on little Jesswa. "This Cafe aint big enough for the both of us" he snarled " i'm off on holidays, and expect you to be gone when I return". Little Jesswa trembled in fear, she daren't answer him back for she knew he was so much faster on the draw as far as sardonic wit was concerned. He rode high in the saddle of witicism and viewed her as little more than a "knock, knock" joker, who rode into town on the back of a donkey with a flat battery.
But deep down he knew he hadn't heard the last from pesky little Jesswa. She was the tin foil which from time to time touched his fillings, the fingernails on the blackboard of his life and he knew she was would be waiting her chance to cheat, lie and brown-nose her way back to the Cafe's top job whilst he was away.

to be continued.....